Wednesday, 9 May 2007

The Holy Family with Saint John -- Andrea Mantegna

See the picture.

– Look at you – you’re fat as a feast day kid.
– Look at you – you’ve got hair, and what’s with the curl in the middle of your forehead?
– D’you remember that day, though? Your mum and dad took us to that garden place and we got in trouble for picking green oranges and throwing them at each...
– was an orange farm, not a garden, and the farmer came out and yelled at us?
– Oh yeah – and you cried...
– No I didn’t.
– Yes you did. You cried, and your dad had to buy you that ball to make you shut up.
– I remember that ball – I lost it down the well at home.
– Yeah, you cried about that, too.
– I got something in my eye. What were we standing on?
– Broken water tank, I think?
– Dad must’ve asked someone else to take the picture. Mum’s got her eyes shut as usual. She always shuts her eyes when a picture’s being taken.
– She gave us that white stuff to play horses with – probably to make us stop throwing oranges at each other.
– Horses, eh? That’ll be why I’m holding the stick. Shadow and Thunderfoot
– Thunderhoof. Shadow and Thunderhoof, the crime-solving horses. Remember that?
– ‘Come Shadow, I sense criminals have been here.’ Yeah, I remember. I can’t believe we used to pretend to be crime-solving horses. Where do kids get this stuff? What’s dad looking at?
– I bet it’s a bit of dodgy joinery.
– Yeah: ‘Who... What on earth... What sort of... Who would put... a door that heavy on a hinge made of leather?’
– Don’t – that’s what you sound like these days.
– As if!
– You do, you’re a carpentry geek.
– Call me a geek, locust boy. How’s the preaching going, anyway?
– It’s OK. Fewer stones, bigger crowds. You should try it – you’ve got a good voice for it, and the imagination. Crime-solving horses.
– That was not... Shut up.
– But seriously, mate, do you really dream of spending your life making barn doors and piles of shavings?


sandyshares said...

So clever . I must study my paintings more intently ha

Anonymous Bosch said...

Ha ha Fantastic ! it would be great if you recorded these and made them avalible as podcasts/mp3s to
take along to the gallery =)=)

Clare said...

That would be funny, wouldn't it! I'd like to smuggle in actors and get them to perform the pieces in front of the appropriate painting. Guerilla performance art. I wonder how long it would be before someone stopped them?